Tuesday, January 19, 2010

How picky is too picky?

Now that I've gotten my fabulous single girl life together, I've begun the quest for that final accessory to bring the whole wardrobe together: a man.

With the holidays behind us now, I am once again out and about with the friends, trolling for men. This has become increasingly challenging since my resolution to not ask men out is in full force, but I don't give up hope. I'm working on making myself look more approachable (because I'm the first to admit that I'm not always very approachable).

But once I am approached, the criteria selection analysis begins. By that I mean that I have a list of criteria that will determine whether I will or will not date a guy. We all have these, just admit it. The question is, is there a point at which you can become too picky? I mean, what's the alternative? Settling? I don't settle, not in life, not with men. I guess I just enjoy being single too much to be with someone just for the sake of having a boyfriend.

Here are some of my non-negotiables:
  1. I must be physically attracted to any man I date. I don't care what people say about beauty being more than skin deep, and not judging a book by its cover... it just doesn't work when you're talking about dating. Without that spark, and that attraction, there's no point even opening the book. It doesn't mean I only date male models, but I believe we all instinctively are attracted to mates who are of a similar attractiveness to ourselves. So I'm not a model, but I'm pretty and I take care of myself. I only ask the same from a man.
  2. I don't care how many B.A.s or P.H.D.s a guy has, without a J.O.B. I am not interested. Sorry but that's just a reality.
  3. I don't like guys who still live at home. We're past our mid-twenties now, and we're working (see point 2) - if you haven't moved out of mommy and daddy's house by now, you're obviously lazy! Plus, if a guy is living with his parents, chances are very high that he's never had to do his own laundry, cook his own meals, do all the housework himself etc etc and has no clue how to keep a place clean. He will be the one who leaves his dirty clothes in the hamper forever and then wonder why he has no clean clothes... yes, mystery!!! I will not be any man's replacement mommy. He needs to prove that he can take care of himself before I get involved. I also don't like a guy who has housemates/flatmates/roomates or whatever you want to call them. We're not in College anymore!!! Shared houses are gross, grow up!
  4. He can't have any children... enough said.
  5. He can't have any major debt problems (ie: he needs to be solvent). It's one thing to have a mortgage on your home, or a loan on your car, but if there are large credit car debts that never get cleared, personal loans, student loans, etc etc etc... well I don't really want any part of that. Get your financial messiness away from my trust fund!
The above five points are deal breakers. If any one of them applies to a man, I will not date him, end of story. I don't think any of the above are too much to ask, and, to be fair, non of those points apply to me either. I'm not asking for more than I can give, so I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

I also have a list of "nice to have" such as:
  1. It would be good if he had his own car. I'm not a chauffeur.
  2. It would be good if he owned his own place, especially if he's 30+ (I could forgive a 27 year old for still renting, but a 32 year old... that just signals that he either doesn't make enough money or he's really bad at saving, neither are particularly desirably qualities).
  3. His idea of a perfect date should not include take-away pizza, DVDs, or any sporting activity.
  4. He should be a foody, or at least appreciate good food and wine.
  5. He should work out regularly.
Again, I don't thing I'm being unreasonable or too picky, I just have standards. That's a good thing! Isn't it?


Coyote Rose said...

I have sort of a question and a comment. I don't know how it works down there, but in the US Doctors and Lawyers have to take out huge students loans to get through school. Isn't saying no huge student loans cutting off a very significant (and lucrative) group of men?

I'm not saying its okay to date a guy thats 50,000 in debt do to gambling issues, but thats very different. Granted i don't have a trust fund either.

Princess T said...

Thanks for your comment - it is different in Australia. University is not nearly as expensive as in the US first of all, so it's affordable for many people to pay up front (and by that I mean their parents can pay up front).

To compare - to become a lawyer here, you don't have to do a Bachelor degree first. It's a four year degree out of high school like any other degree. And it costs about $8000/year. As opposed to doing a 4 year Bachelor's and then 3 years of law school at about $20,000/year.

Even if you can't afford to pay fees up front, there's a system where the fees are paid by the government and then when you're working, you pay a % back from your paycheck (like an extra tax - maybe 1 or 2%), but it's not a huge amount so you don't even notice you're paying it back.

That's very different from financial messiness, where people spend more than they earn and rely on credit cards and personal loans, which, on top of student loans, can become quite excessive.

Obviously though, I'd prefer someone whose family is like my family and whose parents paid for their education. It's easier when two people come from similar backgrounds...

Kate said...

Great post. It sounds like we're starting off 2010 in a similar fashion! Here's the list I came up with to try and help me find the man I want and not just a man that "will do".


I'm now following so I'll be able to see how you get on with your search!

Kate x

Princess T said...

Hi Kate, thanks! I've been following your blog as well and I love your list, it's great! I hope your search is going better than mine is going so far. You wouldn't think it would be so hard to find a handsome, solvent, gainfully employed man who doesn't live with his parents...?

Kate said...

Hmmm that all sounds like quite fair points to me. You don't want huge debts etc. My only one point would be in the current economic climate home owner might be trickier than a few years back.

Kate xx

Princess T said...

Hey Kate, thanks for the comment. I think you're right, which is why it's a 'nice to have' rather than a requirement. But it would be nice... I'm purchasing a property so it would feel a little weird dating a guy who is just renting. I wouldn't want him thinking he could move in or anything!