With the holidays behind us now, I am once again out and about with the friends, trolling for men. This has become increasingly challenging since my resolution to not ask men out is in full force, but I don't give up hope. I'm working on making myself look more approachable (because I'm the first to admit that I'm not always very approachable).
But once I am approached, the criteria selection analysis begins. By that I mean that I have a list of criteria that will determine whether I will or will not date a guy. We all have these, just admit it. The question is, is there a point at which you can become too picky? I mean, what's the alternative? Settling? I don't settle, not in life, not with men. I guess I just enjoy being single too much to be with someone just for the sake of having a boyfriend.
Here are some of my non-negotiables:
- I must be physically attracted to any man I date. I don't care what people say about beauty being more than skin deep, and not judging a book by its cover... it just doesn't work when you're talking about dating. Without that spark, and that attraction, there's no point even opening the book. It doesn't mean I only date male models, but I believe we all instinctively are attracted to mates who are of a similar attractiveness to ourselves. So I'm not a model, but I'm pretty and I take care of myself. I only ask the same from a man.
- I don't care how many B.A.s or P.H.D.s a guy has, without a J.O.B. I am not interested. Sorry but that's just a reality.
- I don't like guys who still live at home. We're past our mid-twenties now, and we're working (see point 2) - if you haven't moved out of mommy and daddy's house by now, you're obviously lazy! Plus, if a guy is living with his parents, chances are very high that he's never had to do his own laundry, cook his own meals, do all the housework himself etc etc and has no clue how to keep a place clean. He will be the one who leaves his dirty clothes in the hamper forever and then wonder why he has no clean clothes... yes, mystery!!! I will not be any man's replacement mommy. He needs to prove that he can take care of himself before I get involved. I also don't like a guy who has housemates/flatmates/roomates or whatever you want to call them. We're not in College anymore!!! Shared houses are gross, grow up!
- He can't have any children... enough said.
- He can't have any major debt problems (ie: he needs to be solvent). It's one thing to have a mortgage on your home, or a loan on your car, but if there are large credit car debts that never get cleared, personal loans, student loans, etc etc etc... well I don't really want any part of that. Get your financial messiness away from my trust fund!
The above five points are deal breakers. If any one of them applies to a man, I will not date him, end of story. I don't think any of the above are too much to ask, and, to be fair, non of those points apply to me either. I'm not asking for more than I can give, so I don't think I'm being unreasonable.
I also have a list of "nice to have" such as:
- It would be good if he had his own car. I'm not a chauffeur.
- It would be good if he owned his own place, especially if he's 30+ (I could forgive a 27 year old for still renting, but a 32 year old... that just signals that he either doesn't make enough money or he's really bad at saving, neither are particularly desirably qualities).
- His idea of a perfect date should not include take-away pizza, DVDs, or any sporting activity.
- He should be a foody, or at least appreciate good food and wine.
- He should work out regularly.
Again, I don't thing I'm being unreasonable or too picky, I just have standards. That's a good thing! Isn't it?