cohabitation

First of all, my date on Sunday was really nice. He invited me over to his place and cooked me dinner. Normally I don't go over the a guy's place on the first three dates, but the only exception is if they offer to cook me dinner. Everything was delicious, but of course, I would have been happy even if it was so-so because I appreciate the effort. After dinner we watched a DVD (I think the movie was called Stardust - it was cute: a very "date" movie) and then I went home. I only allowed a little bit of kissing and he was really good about that so no funny business. So overall a nice evening but I was disappointed that he didn't make plans at the end of the date for the next date. But we'll see if he calls.

Then today, I got a message on facebook from a guy I had gone on two dates with maybe 5 or 6 weeks ago. Obviously, after all that time, I had assumed he wasn't interested. I mean, since our last date, he had been getting in touch with me, but it was always the same 'sorry I haven't been in touch, it's very busy at work...' etc, but he never tried to secure another date. Now, he said he really wanted to see me again and asked if I was busy this weekend. I'll wait until tomorrow and reply (although I'll insinuate that a phone call ought to be placed in order to set down a time etc). And what is it with guys sending me messages on facebook anyway?

Anyway, I was reading an old article today about how couples who live together before they get engaged and married are significantly more likely to get divorced and/or have unhappy marriages. I used to be confused about this statistic because, logically, a couple who's never lived together before marriage would seem more likely to get divorced than a couple who has lived together. But now that I've read The Rules, I finally understand! Couples move in together for all kinds of reasons (and usually really bad reasons). Some common ones I've seen are convenience (ie - we're always together anyway so why pay two rents), test run (ie - not sure enough to get married, but let's see how we go living together), and one party's desire for more commitment (ie - the woman wanting to get married, the man not wanting to, so this is the compromise). After a couple's been living together, they end up staying together out of comfort and convenience rather than because the relationship is truly fulfilling. And usually (and I bet in most of the cases where the marriage ended in divorce) they get married because the woman is pressuring the man or it's just what you should do.

For all these reasons and more, I wouldn't move in with a guy before getting engaged, and preferably after the wedding date is set and the planning has begun. And even then, I think there's something romantic about waiting until you get married to fully and officially live together. Plus, why should I give a guy the pleasure of my company everyday without that sort of commitment? If a guy wants to see me more than 3 times a week, he'll have to propose. That The Rules. And I can see why it works and motivates a guy to propose rather than waiting 4 or 5 years (and many many conversations about marriage...). 4 years?! I don't think so! If a guy doesn't want to marry me after 1-2 years, he's done. NEXT!