Meeting Men

Since meeting men is the first step in the Dating Game, I thought I would spend a little time on the topic. I mean, there would be no point playing these games and doing "The Rules" without a guy actually wanting to date you. There's the clincher...

So, my current task is to meet men, everywhere I go! I don't go up and talk to men, but I try to be aware of my surroundings when I'm out and about, and smile at anyone I find attractive. That's the most I'll give them. After that, it's up to them.

On Thursday, I went to a Christmas party with a friend. It was your typical professional type event with cocktails being passed around on silver platters and fancy finger foods. I met a few people there I knew through friends, and met some of their friends. One guy in particular caught my fancy. I'll call him pink tie guy. I don't know what it was about him, but I liked him. We chatted a bit and we got on really well, but when it was time for my friend an I to move on, he didn't ask for my number so I didn't offer it. His close friend is friends with my close friend so if he really wants to, he can get in touch with me. But, then again, if he really wanted to, he would have asked for my number.

Then there was climbing guy. I met him at the gym when I was doing my rock climbing introduction course. This was particularly embarrassing because I tried to play it cool, and I think I overdid it just a little. See, he had sort of smiled at me when we were signing in, and then he started chatting to me and that was friendly. Then after our session, I was putting on my shoes and he started talking to me again. All was good... And then I thought I didn't want to seem disparate like I was hanging around waiting for him, so as soon as I was done, I picked up my harness to return it to the front desk, thinking he would have to do the same (duh! That's where we return harnesses). He was almost done putting on his shoes when I left, and when I turned back from the front desk, he was gone! And I didn't see him follow me to return his harness (like I thought he might) so I was a bit disappointed... Maybe he thought I was a bit of a bitch/social retard for just walking away like that... I was trying to be mysterious or something! It failed... But I tell myself that if he really liked me, he would have made it a point to follow me! He would have made sure that he 'ran into me' while giving back the harness or something. Instead, he left...

Then Saturday I went out with some friends. My friend's boyfriend invited a few of his friends, and I thought one of them was cute. I thought there was maybe some mild interest, but again not enough to ask for the phone number. But, once again, the friend of a friend always has a way to get in touch with me if he wants. So not getting in touch with me means he doesn't want to.

Three guys in one week. I think that's a pretty good effort. And while I may not have clicked with any of them, the point I am getting at is if I pursued any of these guys, I'd be waisting a lot of time and energy and possibly missing out on meeting somebody else who would actually be completely smitten with me.

So that is my philosophy now. I will go out there, I will smile and I will talk to men who initiate a conversation with me. I will look pretty, and bat my eyelashes, but that's it! The right guy will be the one who does the rest, who makes sure he gets my number, and makes sure to call because he is that smitten with me he just can't imagine not seeing me again. If a guy meets me and doesn't feel that way, why would I want to date him?!

Long Distance

I met a really cute doctor a while ago, but he lives in Canberra so I pretty much left it there at the time. Recently, he found me on Facebook and started getting in touch with me (oh Facebook...). I started chatting with him a little but, for some reason, I was a bit apprehensive. I mean, where could this go? He lives in another city! Then of course, he started trying to veer the chats from friendly and sweet to 'adult only'. Of course, I resisted this transition; I don't even know this guy! So I basically made it clear that I was not interested in having some sort of online affair with him, and that if, as he suggested, he wanted to come visit me, I would be happy to see him, but he had to know that I was not going to sleep with him on the first visit.

The Rules have several chapters dedicated to the long distance dating scenario. According to them, the guy has to come and visit you for the first three "dates", he is not to stay at your place, and you are not to sleep with him. It is extreme, but, having chatted with this doctor guy, I can see why it's very sensible. It's become clear to me that this guy seemed only interested in one thing and thought it would be oh so convenient to have a special friend in Melbourne where he can visit, have some fun, a free place to stay etc. Because Melbourne is obviously way cooler than Canberra... But I am not running a hotel/brothel! If this guy really wants something more with me, he can make the effort. Canberra is close enough that he can even fly in for a day. If not... sorry, enjoy Canberra! NEXT!

cohabitation

First of all, my date on Sunday was really nice. He invited me over to his place and cooked me dinner. Normally I don't go over the a guy's place on the first three dates, but the only exception is if they offer to cook me dinner. Everything was delicious, but of course, I would have been happy even if it was so-so because I appreciate the effort. After dinner we watched a DVD (I think the movie was called Stardust - it was cute: a very "date" movie) and then I went home. I only allowed a little bit of kissing and he was really good about that so no funny business. So overall a nice evening but I was disappointed that he didn't make plans at the end of the date for the next date. But we'll see if he calls.

Then today, I got a message on facebook from a guy I had gone on two dates with maybe 5 or 6 weeks ago. Obviously, after all that time, I had assumed he wasn't interested. I mean, since our last date, he had been getting in touch with me, but it was always the same 'sorry I haven't been in touch, it's very busy at work...' etc, but he never tried to secure another date. Now, he said he really wanted to see me again and asked if I was busy this weekend. I'll wait until tomorrow and reply (although I'll insinuate that a phone call ought to be placed in order to set down a time etc). And what is it with guys sending me messages on facebook anyway?

Anyway, I was reading an old article today about how couples who live together before they get engaged and married are significantly more likely to get divorced and/or have unhappy marriages. I used to be confused about this statistic because, logically, a couple who's never lived together before marriage would seem more likely to get divorced than a couple who has lived together. But now that I've read The Rules, I finally understand! Couples move in together for all kinds of reasons (and usually really bad reasons). Some common ones I've seen are convenience (ie - we're always together anyway so why pay two rents), test run (ie - not sure enough to get married, but let's see how we go living together), and one party's desire for more commitment (ie - the woman wanting to get married, the man not wanting to, so this is the compromise). After a couple's been living together, they end up staying together out of comfort and convenience rather than because the relationship is truly fulfilling. And usually (and I bet in most of the cases where the marriage ended in divorce) they get married because the woman is pressuring the man or it's just what you should do.

For all these reasons and more, I wouldn't move in with a guy before getting engaged, and preferably after the wedding date is set and the planning has begun. And even then, I think there's something romantic about waiting until you get married to fully and officially live together. Plus, why should I give a guy the pleasure of my company everyday without that sort of commitment? If a guy wants to see me more than 3 times a week, he'll have to propose. That The Rules. And I can see why it works and motivates a guy to propose rather than waiting 4 or 5 years (and many many conversations about marriage...). 4 years?! I don't think so! If a guy doesn't want to marry me after 1-2 years, he's done. NEXT!